Sometimes I feel like a single mom. What an idiot, I know! The idea is pretty ridiculous seeing as I am not single and I am not a mother. But, if you listen for just a couple paragraphs, I think you might see what I mean.
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So it's 2:30 a.m. and I'm lying in bed wide awake. Nope I didn't just come home from a crazy night of dancing or cocktails with the girls. I was actually in bed and asleep by 10:00 p.m.
In fact, the evening was pretty low key. I came home, made sure the doors were locked and cooked myself some dinner. I went outside to clean up the dog's mess and then I let them in to play. I did some laundry. Some vaccuming. Walked the dogs. Took out the trash. Popped a Simply Sleep. Checked under the bed. Put the house phone under my pillow. Grabbed the ear plugs, lied in bed and ran my heres what ill do if someone breaks in scenario through my head.
As I lie wide awake, probably from some ridiculous noise I made up in my sleep, my mind begins to swirl. During these moments I always think of my husband who's keeping the streets safe instead of being safely in bed with me. Maybe he's in pursuit of a drunk driver or on a foot chase with a rapist or consoling a family who just lost a loved one or breaking up a party or getting a gun off the street or busting a drug dealer- whatever he's doing, I know he's making this world a better place. And to be quite honest, there isn't anything more admirable than that.
But, being a cop's wife is not for the weak. It means last minute rescheduling of plans because he's stuck at work. Many sleepless nights. Lonely dinners and an empty house 4 nights a week. Talking to your husband for a measely 15 minutes a day until the weekend comes around. Managing a household all on your own. Being a cop's wife is a life that I kind of imagine a single mom living. No offense to any single moms, I know your life is more difficult than I imagine.
But just like a single mom, the circumstances life gives you only provide you with the opportunity to be the best person you can be in this life. I didn't sign up for an easy life or an easy marriage. Life is about trials, conflicts, tough decisions, learning, growing and changing. I can't even begin to count the ways inwhich Ryan's career has changed the person I am. And at the end of the day, I wouldn't trade any sleepless nights or solo dinners in exchange for the woman I've become.
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I have no idea how i stumbled upon your blog...but here I am. I am a 30 year old wife to C who is a police commander. In fact he is in Quantico Virginia right now for 10 weeks. Yep 10 weeks. It is training for law enforcement. I have two small children who miss their daddy. Among the chaos of being a single mom for the last 8 weeks, I broke my foot. God was really trying to teach me to SLOW DOWN! My point to this post is this...I have spent the last 8 weeks alone. But you know what...it has been worth it. My husband makes me so proud...he is doing something to change things. Thanks for your post...it makes me remember that I am not alone. :)
ReplyDeleteI liked this post. I don't know what it is like to be a single mom or a cop's wife, but I appreciate your honesty: "I didn't sign up for an easy life or an easy marriage." True, and it still always seems worth it, even when it's hard.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment Sara. It always feels good to know we are not alone!!
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree with you Brooke. I sometimes feel like its the uneasy things that are worth the most. It's those things that have really allowed us to grow in our marriage. Thanks for your post!