A Walk in Someone Else's Shoes

When I was young, I spent a great amount of my childhood in my best friend’s kitchen. She lived only a few houses around the corner so we spent as much of our time together as possible. We made a lot of memories in that kitchen.

In grade school, that’s where we spent our time licking popsicles. I experienced my first earth quake away from home under her kitchen table. In junior high, we were constantly running into that kitchen to guzzle water after hours on her trampoline. And in high school, I remember leaning on their wooden island discussing dates and dresses for Winter Formal. But there is one memory I can recall more vividly than any of the others.

On the refrigerator was a magnet that read, “Don’t judge a man until you have walked a mile in his moccasins.”

A few weeks ago our pastor told the story of a man on an airplane flight with his two children. The children were quite loud, running up and down the aisles and kicking the seats in front of them. Throughout the raucous, the father continued to gaze out the window seemingly unphased by his children’s actions. One passenger, a businessman, finally had enough and said to the father, “Hey, would you mind taking control of your children?” The father turned his head from the window and looked the man in the eyes. “I’m sorry,” he said. “My wife just passed away last week. I was just thinking of how quickly she passed- we didn’t really have the chance to say goodbye. It’s all still a bit shocking to me. I apologize about my children.” The father then quieted the children and turned back to the window.

I’m not sure how the businessman felt as he turned around in his seat. I can only imagine the huge lump he had in his throat after scolding the man, a widower. But what a brilliant idea this story brings to mind.

If I had only known that the woman who cut me off this morning was on her way to the hospital to see her dying son. If only someone had told me that the man who forgot to hold the door for me was unjustly fired today. If only there was someone who knew that my client just found out his wife has been cheating on him and that was the reason for his rudeness today.

But nobody knows these things.

So who I am to assume that every person that cuts me off is doing it for the pure pleasure of cutting me off? Who am I to think that each person who doesn’t hold the door is in a selfish hurry? Perhaps they all have something important waiting for them somewhere.

Twenty one years later, I finally understand the magnet in my best friend’s kitchen. I truly don’t know much about the majority of individuals I interact with on a daily basis. But why doubt them…God only knows the pain and difficulties they faced today.

☼ ap

A heart at home

Over dinner last week, I had a very interesting conversation with my mother-in-law, Steff.

Steff works at St. Joseph’s Hospital in Orange. The majority of patients she interacts with are not healthy. As Steff put it, they are fighting for their lives on a daily basis. She told me that it’s pretty easy for her to get to know these patients on a first name basis. Since she knows them this way, she often greets them with a smile and addresses them by name. She said it brings a smile to their face and they usually offer her kind words in return. Of course establishing a personal relationship with these individuals who may only be weeks or months away from their end involves a lot of risk. No one likes knowing someone who dies, let alone knowing their story and the person they were.

So Steff said that after losing a few of these patients, she wondered if she was cut out for this kind of work. In the end, she determined the risk would be worth the reward. She’s made a few friends along the way and has developed strong admiration for these individuals and their struggles. So, she said she will continue to get to know her patient’s and bring about many smiles. After all, it could be the last smile they give or receive.

I found it so comforting listening to her story and realizing how powerful a “hello” or smile could be. And then I remembered a story she had told me about a few weeks before.

She said she was recently laughing with one of her friends and turned around with a smile still on her face. Upon turning around, she made eye contact with someone and they thought she was smiling at them. They returned the smile to her.

Steff said that moment made her think about the facial expressions she has on her face throughout the day. On the weekends for example, she is often in a hurry trying to get around finishing her daily errands. What if she had a frown on her face and someone got the wrong impression? Of course sometimes our face reflects the thoughts going on in our head and we make faces, often unintentionally.

But what if you realized the effect your smile could have on someone else? And what if that realization enabled you to become a better person just by being aware of your expressions and those around you? Are you able to set aside thoughts of a busy schedule and growing bills to think of someone else?

I think I've found a new favorite way to inspire progression.

A smile is a light in the window of the soul indicating that the heart is at home.

- Anonymous

☼ ap

holding doors + smiles = joy

I made a bit of progress this week. I think I held more doors and smiled at more strangers than I have in a long time. And, to be honest, I feel really good. In fact, my smiles and eagerness to assist others has really become more of a genuine feeling rather than something I feel forced to do because I’m blogging about it.

I handed out another gift card on Wednesday. I couldn’t really tell you anything about the person. It was just a convenient place for me to leave a card without looking like some kind of creeper. The instant I set down the gift card, I got a quick joyish rush. I felt a bit like a superhero for a moment.

Although it still felt quite good to surprise another stranger, I do find myself being a bit too eager to hand these things out. I think it would be best to surprise people when the moment presents itself, rather then attempting to force the moment. In the mean time, I will continue working on going out of my way for people throughout my daily routines in hopes of making small steps of progress. Being conscience of even the smallest actions has really made a huge difference in my own attitude and views. I’m looking forward to what’s ahead.

☼ ap

A step in the right direction...

Hi Everyone,

I have a really cool update for inspiring progression! Today I ordered business cards which have a link to the site on them. I'm going to be handing out these cards with the gift cards in hopes that people who receive them will check out the site.

I think it is a really good way to inspire these strangers to make a difference in the lives of someone else and it also gives them the opporunity to reach out to us, if they would like. It would be really awesome to learn first hand how the experience affected them.

Thanks to all of you for your support and emails. Thank you so much for taking this adventure with me!

☼ ap