the Hero

This is a blog I've been thinking about for a long time. Whenever I have an idea, I usually toss it around in my head for a couple days until I think it's ready to write. But this blog, I've been tossing it around in my head for six months. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to do it justice, but I think I'm finally ready to try.

My husband has an incredibly honorable job. He's absolutely willing to risk his life for a stranger and he deals with a lot of bad people on a regular basis to make sure his city is safe. He comforts, he consoles, he teaches, he listens, he disciplines, he protects and so much more.

Being married to a police officer, you get a tiny peek into the world they live in. I'll never know exactly how Ryan feels in the situations he's been in. Because I'll never live it, I know I'll never fully be able to understand the capacity of his job. And I'm okay with that. I understand the importance of him spending time with his fellow officers on and off duty because of the special bond and brotherhood they have. Those officers can understand and encourage Ryan in ways I simply can't.

But, we still debrief together at the end of every shift and I listen and encourage him the way any wife would. And the more we talk, the more I sit in awe of him. On the surface, it's quite evident that being a police officer is a respectable job. I mean, anyone willing to carry a gun and sacrifice his own life for anyone else is honorable. But the mental and physical challenges of what he goes through each night is what truly makes him a hero.

On a regular basis, my husband is dealing with the type of people I hope to never cross paths with: addicts, rapists, robbers, sexual offenders, liars, parolees, cheaters and just plain bad people. He sees the worst of this world- and he's managing it while the rest of us sleep.

And as if this concept wasn't difficult enough for me to grasp, there is one thing that pushes me even further into disbelief. At the end of his day, everyday, he smiles.

Smile? After dealing with people spitting on you, disrespecting you and threatening your life...you can smile? After being exposed to a world that many people cannot even begin to comprehend? A world that some people don't even know exists?

To see how dirty and cold and ruthless this world can be isn't easy. But to be able to take that, and in your mind separate that from the world you live in is an incredible gift.

It's easy for me to look at this world and maintain compassion and hope. After all, I've lived a very lucky and happy life. But to deal with what Ryan deals with and not be jaded and apathetic shows me a true hero.

How he doesn't shove truth in the face of the ignorant boggles my mind. I guess it's because he's such a good person. He understands that the life he sees isn't a life people should have to see. He allows most people to live peacefully in their bubble because he knows that more often than not, they can't handle reality. And while he does all the dirty work each night, he comes home smiling knowing that most people won't ever have to see the things he's seen.

And for that, he's my hero.